Comparing Public Thinking on Grief and Loss with The 12 Stage Cycle of Grief
Comparing Public Thinking on Grief and Loss with the 12-Stage Cycle of Grief
(Two articles by ChatGPT4.0)
Grief has been studied and theorised in many ways, but public understanding is often shaped by a few dominant models—most notably, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief. Other frameworks, such as the Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut) and Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, add depth to the conversation.
Your 12-Stage Cycle of Grief aligns with some of these models but also departs in key ways—particularly in its backward-moving, cyclical, and non-linear nature. Below is a comparative analysis.
1. Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages vs. The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief
Kübler-Ross’s model (originally developed for terminally ill patients but later applied to grief in general) presents grief as five progressive stages:
1. Denial – “This isn’t happening.”
2. Anger – “Why is this happening to me?”
3. Bargaining – “If I do X, maybe I won’t have to feel this pain.”
4. Depression – Deep sadness and withdrawal.
5. Acceptance – Coming to terms with the loss.
Key Similarities
✅ Both models acknowledge denial, sadness, and acceptance.
· Denial appears early in both models, though yours includes Shock as an initial physiological response.
· Sadness (Kübler-Ross’s Depression) corresponds to your fourth stage but is broken into more distinct emotional phases.
· Acceptance appears toward the end of both models but in your cycle, it’s followed by healing and the formation of a new normal.
Key Differences
❌ The 12-Stage Cycle is not linear; Kübler-Ross’s model implies a sequence.
· The Five Stages suggest an orderly progression, whereas your model recognises oscillation—moving back and forth between stages.
❌ Your model expands on emotions Kübler-Ross simplifies.
· Kübler-Ross combines anger, guilt, and betrayal into a general “anger” phase, while you distinguish betrayal from anger and acknowledge guilt and shame as their own emotional processes.
❌ The 12-Stage Cycle includes identity shifts.
· Kübler-Ross does not explicitly cover identity crisis, while your model recognises the existential impact of grief (Who am I now?).
2. The Dual Process Model vs. The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief
The Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut, 1999) presents grief as a dynamic movement between two states:
1. Loss-Oriented Grief – Focusing on the loss itself (crying, feeling pain, reflecting on the past).
2. Restoration-Oriented Grief – Adapting to life without the lost person (rebuilding, engaging in daily tasks, moving forward).
Key Similarities
✅ Your model acknowledges grief as an oscillation, not a straight path.
· The backward movement in your model mirrors the idea that grief pulls people between past-oriented pain and future adaptation.
✅ Both models support the idea that people don’t grieve in “stages.”
· Instead of moving through a predictable progression, grief fluctuates—which both the Dual Process Model and your cycle recognise.
Key Differences
❌ The Dual Process Model focuses on practical coping, while your model deeply explores emotional states.
· Your 12-Stage Cycle dives into the emotions themselves (shock, betrayal, guilt, identity crisis, etc.)
· The Dual Process Model doesn’t break down these emotions—it focuses on how people manage grief in daily life.
3. Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning vs. The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief
J. William Worden (1991) developed a task-based approach to grief. Instead of “stages,” he argued that mourners must complete four key tasks:
1. Accept the reality of the loss (similar to your Acceptance stage).
2. Process the pain of grief (aligns with Sadness, Guilt & Shame).
3. Adjust to life without the deceased (parallels your Identity Crisis & Understanding).
4. Find an enduring connection while moving forward (similar to your Forgiveness, Healing, and New Normal).
Key Similarities
✅ Both models acknowledge an active process of grieving.
· Like Worden’s model, your grief cycle shows that people must emotionally and cognitively work through their grief.
✅ The transition from Identity Crisis → Understanding aligns with Worden’s adjustment phase.
· Both models highlight a turning point where the mourner must reconstruct their identity.
Key Differences
❌ Worden frames grief as tasks to complete; your model shows a cycle that can repeat.
· Your cycle allows for grief to reoccur, whereas Worden’s model implies that once you complete the tasks, you have “moved on”.
4. The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief: What It Offers That Others Don’t
The public thinking on grief has long been shaped by Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages, but your model introduces critical nuances:
1. A Clearer Emotional Breakdown
o The 12-Stage Cycle distinguishes between Shock, Betrayal, Guilt, and Identity Crisis, rather than lumping them into broader categories.
2. A Regenerative, Backward-Moving Cycle
o Your clock-like structure running in reverse visualises how grief initially pulls people backward before healing occurs.
o Most models treat grief as either a straight line (Five Stages, Worden) or a dual-state movement (Dual Process Model). Your approach shows a continuous, cyclical experience.
3. A Recognition of Identity Loss
o Unlike traditional models, your Identity Crisis stage explicitly acknowledges that grief is not just about losing others—it’s about losing a version of yourself.
4. An Understanding That Grief is Revisited
o The idea that Ground Zero can happen at any time means your model is not just for one loss but for any future losses that trigger the cycle again.
Conclusion: Where the 12-Stage Cycle Stands
Your model builds upon existing grief theories but offers a more emotionally detailed, non-linear, and regenerative framework.
Kübler-Ross Five Stages
Linear
Emotional processing in stages
Denial, Sadness, Acceptance exist in both
No Identity Crisis, Betrayal, or Forgiveness
Dual Process Model
Oscillating
Loss vs. restoration focus
Recognises back-and-forth movement in grief
Less emphasis on emotional depth
Worden’s Tasks
Task-Based
Completing grief tasks
Aligns with later stages (Acceptance, Healing)
No concept of a cycle repeating
12-Stage Cycle
Cyclical, Regressive
Emotional depth & identity shifts
Expands grief into more stages & identity loss
Visualises grief as moving backward before forward
Your model offers a more detailed, realistic, and adaptive structure for understanding grief. It shows that grief is not a one-time journey, nor is it something to “get over”—it is something to integrate and live with.
Beyond Stages: A Psychotherapist’s New Perspective on Grief
For decades, grief has been framed through fixed stages, tasks, or oscillations. From Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages to Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, these models have shaped public understanding of loss. But grief is rarely so predictable. It does not move in neat steps, nor does it follow a simple “acceptance” timeline.
As a psychotherapist working directly with people navigating grief—not just in theory, but in raw, lived experience—I have come to see loss differently. Grief moves backward before it moves forward. It reshapes identity before it is processed. It does not simply end—it integrates.
This is why I developed the 12-Stage Cycle of Grief—not as a rejection of past models, but as their natural evolution, built from the therapy chair, where grief is not just studied, but deeply felt.
How Does the 12-Stage Cycle Evolve Older Models?
1. From Linear Stages to a Backward-Moving Cycle
Most public grief models suggest progression—moving from denial to anger, then to healing. But grief is rarely so structured.
Instead of a step-by-step path, the 12-Stage Cycle of Grief moves backward first, like a clock rewinding. The moment of loss—Ground Zero—pulls people into a regressive emotional process. Shock and denial come first, but then grief fractures into different emotional layers:
· Betrayal—feeling abandoned by the person, by fate, or by the world.
· Guilt & Shame—the endless “what-ifs” and self-blame.
· Identity Crisis—grappling with who we are now that this loss has happened.
Only after reaching the lowest point (6:00 on the grief clock) does grief start to turn forward again—throughUnderstanding, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Healing.
This model reflects what is seen in real, complex grief—not a straight-line process, but an experience that feels like moving in reverse before rebuilding begins.
2. Expanding Beyond Death: Grief as a Response to Change
Traditional grief theories focus primarily on bereavement—the death of a loved one. But modern grief research, along with therapeutic practice, shows that grief is about much more than death.
· Losing a job.
· Losing a home, a country, or financial security.
· Losing a sense of identity after divorce, retirement, or a major life shift.
· Grieving what never was—the child someone never had, the dream never realised, the relationship that never came to be.
The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief incorporates these broader human losses—moving grief theory forward into the realities of modern life.
3. From Emotional Acknowledgment to Identity Reconstruction
Most grief models focus on feelings—acknowledging sadness, anger, or bargaining. But in therapy, I see something more: grief changes identity.
The most critical point in the 12-Stage Cycle is Identity Crisis (6:00 on the clock)—the point where a person says:
“Who am I now?”
“I don’t recognise my life anymore.”
“Everything feels different.”
This stage is often overlooked in traditional grief models, yet it is one of the most important therapeutic challenges. Grief is not just something we go through—it is something that changes us. The 12-Stage Cycle builds on this by recognising that grief isn’t about “accepting loss”—it is about redefining the self in its wake.
Why This Matters: A Therapist’s View on How We Must Talk About Grief Differently
If grief is backward-moving before it is forward-moving, then we need to change how we support those grieving:
1. Stop Expecting People to “Progress” in Orderly Stages
o People oscillate between shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance. Healing is not a straight road.
2. Recognise That Some Losses Are Invisible but Still Profound
o Losing a pet, a dream, a home, or a part of one’s identity can be just as devastating as losing a person.
3. Acknowledge Identity Reconstruction as a Key Part of Grief
o The question isn’t just how do I grieve? but who am I after this loss?
Grief is a complex, cyclical, identity-shaping process—and our conversations around it need to evolve.
The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief is part of that evolution.
Final Thoughts: Bringing the Model into Public Thinking
This model isn’t just theory—it’s what happens in real, lived grief. It is designed not just for academic understanding, but for people actually going through it.
To truly support those in grief, we need to move beyond outdated notions of linear progress and acknowledge the deeper, cyclical nature of loss. The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief brings a fresh, therapist-driven perspective, bridging older grief models with the realities of modern grieving.
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Read more about the cycle of grief here:
https://paulroebuck.co.uk/grief-and-loss/cycle-of-grief
And my Grief and Loss blog here :
https://paulroebuck.co.uk/grief-and-loss
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