Grief & Loss. Support pack for Counsellors and healthcare professionals.

A Dynamic Tool for Therapists and Counsellors

Paul Roebuck
PGCEE, FETC (ADip)
Psychotherapist

Preamble

Like me you will have studied Kubler Ross as your grief foundation. And like me you’ll really appreciate its insight whilst recognising grief and loss is a complex area of therapy and one which has been crying out for modernisation.

Its against that backdrop that I invite you to explore this new tool.

The 12 Stage Cycle of Grief

Introduction

Grief is never simple. As a psychotherapist with over 15 years' experience - specialising in end-of-life care,

bereavement, and emotional intelligence - I know that 'processing loss' is often more complicated than

standard models suggest. The 12-Stage Cycle of Grief was developed to help therapists make sense of the

real, messy process clients experience, and to provide a clear, flexible map for sessions.

What is the 12-Stage Cycle of Grief?

This model breaks the grieving journey into 12 distinct but overlapping stages, from initial shock and

numbness, through guilt, anger, and confusion, all the way to rediscovered joy or a 'new normal.' The model

is dynamic - clients move forward, backwards, and sometimes get stuck. It's a tool for understanding, not a

rulebook.

Therapist Challenges: Why Grief Work Is Complex

- Grief rarely appears as the stated problem; it lurks beneath anxiety, anger, or low mood.

- Clients can get 'stuck' in early stages, particularly guilt or identity crisis.

- Language can be a barrier; clients may lack words for their experience.

- Therapists themselves can feel unsure or pressured to 'move things along.'

How to Use the Model: Dynamic, Visual, Collaborative

1. Mapping Together:

Use the 12-stage diagram in session. Ask, 'Where are you today?' Let clients annotate, reflect, and revisit

as therapy unfolds.

2. Before, During, After Analysis:

Use a simple assessment tool based on the model at intake, midway, and on completion. Track not just

symptoms, but movement through grief's emotional terrain.

3. Normalising Regression and Loops:

The model is cyclical, not linear. Returning to a previous stage is normal - use the diagram to validate andreassure.

4. Building Emotional Vocabulary:

Each stage gives language for what's often unspeakable. Use it to deepen reflection and self-awareness.

5. End-of-Life and Anticipatory Grief:

The model works for clients facing terminal diagnoses, caregivers, or those preparing for profound

transitions.

6. Therapist Reflection:

Notice your own reactions - where are you in the cycle as you witness your client's pain?

Ready-to-Use Tools

- 12-Stage Cycle Image for session use or digital sharing.

- Before/During/After Assessment templates.

- Training and Emotional Intelligence Workshops available for deeper skill-building.

Toolkit for therapists (Beta)

Email me to Download the full therapist guide, 12-stage diagram, and assessment tools at paulroebuck.co.uk.

References:

- Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying.

- Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). Dual Process Model.

- Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy.

About the Author

Paul Roebuck, is a psychotherapist with 15 years' experience in grief, end-of-life, and emotiona intelligence training. He is the developer of the 12-Stage Cycle of Grief . Learn more or access resources at paulroebuck.co.uk.

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