A great chance to explore this hugely common social/psychological phenomena using the Royal rift as a backdrop. 

Meghan (the victim)

It all seemed to blow just before the wedding with the who-made-who-cry over the flower girls.  Megan was the victim of abuse by Kate, the perceived persecutor, and got her deserved apology. 

Meghan wasn’t able to defend herself when this came out 7 months later.  Megan was the victim of disempowerment by two perceived persecutors.  The palace and the press .

There was a tiny hint of deeper jealousy between the two royal women when Meghan mentioned that she got no training on how to be Royal.  Megan is the victim here, the institution was positioned as the persecutor through her perception that they failed to help her. 

Meghan was then hurt when she learned Archie didn’t qualify as a full Royal, and that wasn’t a recent decision. That dates back to royalty rules from 1917 apparently.   Meghan seemed to roll this into her victimisation as bearing a child of colour, the institution was perceived by Meghan as the persecutor. 

Rolled into the Archie status was the shade of colour discussion, which can only be William, Kate or Charles.  Was this an unconscious “I wonder” question my Dad would’ve asked himself if my wife was of colour and we’d produced offspring.  

Would a Grandad naturally wonder what colour his grandson would be? It’d have crossed a grandparents mind I think.  Not sure I’d have verbalised it to his son though.  Whatever the circumstances Meghan interpreted this as being a victim is racial prejudice.  A family member is the unwitting persecutor.

These events spiral into a breakdown of sorts for Meghan, late in the pregnancy.  She’s the victim of what sounds to be a mental and emotional breakdown, and the institution is the unwitting persecutor who Meghan perceived as preventing her from getting help. 

Harry (the rescuer)

Enter army Captain Harry, on his proverbial white charger to rescue his maiden in distress.  

Now it’s no secret that Harry has transferred his feelings from his mum to his wife.  We all do that, every one of us.  So this is a great example of another psychological behaviour, transference. 

Harry’s freeze fight flight trigger is activated through his greatest fear; losing the most important woman in his life.  He needs to rescue her from the palace, press, and family, and any other threat.  Harry adopts his role of rescuer, learned from his army role no doubt. 

All the pain, hurt, frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, toxicity and resentment of the institution and family comes spilling out.  He needs to rescue Meghan, mother of his son, from her current environment. 

He goes further by also intimating his brother and dad need rescuing from their trapped world too.  Once a rescuer always a rescuer.  

They do the South African tour where he visits the very same land mine site as his mother did, wore the same protective gear and then gave those television interviews which were the first release of his deeply pent up feelings.  

He’s walked in his mother’s footsteps in her protective gear.  This would have probably triggered deep, powerful and impactful unconscious rescuer thoughts.  

He more fully realises his wife needs rescuing, before a similar fate which beset his mum happens to his wife.  Another powerful transference activating the rescuer. 

As he took of the landmine  protection off, at that moment he vowed to maximise the protection and welfare of his family by getting them out of the trappings of royal life.  He’s rescues her. 

It seemed that the battle with the persecutor press started here.  Litigation issued against the press (persecutor) by the victim (Meghan)

And thereafter, as they say, the rest is history. 

Conclusion. 

A brilliant example of the Karpman triangle in operation.  The three positions of victim, rescuer and persecutor beautifully played out.  

The victim feels powerless, the rescuer feels powerful, and the persecutor has no idea of the trouble they’ve caused.  

If you are an unwitting victim it’s easy to identity.  If your problem is always with “someone else” then look carefully. You may be a enacting the behaviour of a victim.  

Secondly, if you can pinpoint someone as a victim after reading this post, try holding a mirror up to yourself and check that it’s not you who’s the victim You may be unwittingly projecting your unwanted / disowned feelings and behaviour into someone else. Projection is another unconscious and common behaviour.

Thirdly, if you do find yourself repeatedly defending someone against someone else you may be playing the rescuer, which is fine, as long as you are not promoting their powerlessness to gain personal power.

Fourth, if two people are repeatedly focussing in you, one appearing overwhelmed or overpowered by you, and the other being forthright and assertive towards you, have a think about how you might have persecuted one of them and what you can do to reduce your persecution behaviour.  

If you study this process further, You will begin to notice that we shift our positions in this triangle. We can flip from V to R and to P at a moments notice, and for a short or significant time. We saw this demonstrated later in the interview when Meghan (rescuer) provided reassurance to Harry (victim) by stroking his hand when he talked about his difficulties with family members, especially his Dad (persecutor).

Last, but not least, all of the victimisation isn’t real, it’s all made up in the victims unconscious mind, it’s their perception of the situation.

Kate did not wilfully seek to hurt Meghan, surely, the palace did not wilfully seek to deny Meghan the support she craved, did they?, nobody discussed skin colour to deliberately hurt Meghan, surely. And her son wasn’t denied the title of Prince because of her colour, that was some convention set in 1917 I believe.

These moments are Meghan’s interpretation, yes they are also her truth. But there’s no such thing as a universal truth, there is only our self perception, albeit a very powerful one developed in early childhood to get our needs met That story is for another day.

Read more about the Karpman Triangle here 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

To read more about our behaviour, neurology, psychology check my blog here.

Paul Roebuck
Behavioural Psychotherapist
PGCEE, FETC (A.Dip).
paulsroebuck@gmail.com
+44 7838 371155